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Vinny 7:12 Wed Oct 1
Leaked: West Ham respond to Tottenham
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By WHO member Mongymax
West Ham United FC
Boleyn Ground
Green Street
London
EC13 9AZ
Dear Mr Levy Ratboy
re: Season 2017-2018
Thank you for We were totally amazed to receive your letter dated Saturday 6 September 2014 and we have been showing it to everyone we know and having a proper laugh which has taken a few weeks apologies for taking this time to respond.
To be fair this letter has topped off a rather amusing few weeks for us. We have watched from the side-lines as your project for a new stadium has developed ground to a halt no doubt because you thought you could shit all over your neighbours and simply get away with it. Some things never change. Having picked ourselves up off the floor following a fit of hysterics (we had read through the letter again) we thought we ought to respond.
We have considered the proposals within the letter very carefully and respond to each of the issues you raised as follows:
• Your initial proposal to share the London Olympic Stadium with us for season 2017- 2018 has been met with some opposition amongst our board of directors, club staff, and supporters. Whilst we have a level of sympathy with the position Tottenham Hotspur FC find themselves in we find the suggestion of a ground share to be unpalatable on every level.
Firstly how the fuck do you have the audacity to even suggest a ground share with us at the Olympic Stadium? There are many things which divide our club at board level but this proposal is something we all agree on. Until hell freezes over, pigs fly and you wipe that smug little smile off your pinched little face we will not consider this. We wouldn’t share Costa coffee with you, let alone a stadium.
We remind you of your opposition to our lease arrangement with the London Legacy Development Corporation for the stadium, and the delays and increased costs this caused both West Ham United FC and the UK Taxpayer. Whilst your opposition was no doubt founded on a real desire to relocate to Stratford, we felt that there was an unsavoury undertone to the whole procedure.
We are still fizzing over the way in which you duped everybody into thinking you actually wanted to move in there in the first place. We all know it was a tactic to force through your toilet bowl development, and we are now happy that the whole episode has backfired and left you with egg on your face. You did however cost us a big pile of money, and as you know there is nothing Goldie likes more than money, and nothing he likes less than giving it away. You cost us a pretty penny you shrivelled little man so we pray that your current cluster fuck costs you and Big Joe a fortune.
Despite this we took the proposed ‘Ground Share’ idea to our recent Supporter Advisory Board to ensure that any decision made was representative of our football club as a whole. We did mention your ridiculous idea at one of our regular meetings with the great unwashed.It didn’t go well.
Having put the proposal to the vote it is clear that there is limited traction to take this forward and pursue an outline agreement at this stage.
Try to picture the scene when the angry ugly mob arrive at Dracula’s castle with pitchforks and burning torches, well it was just like that only they were angrier and uglier. So in essence the idea of a ground share gets a big fuck off from us.
• You have also tabled an alternative proposal to move into the Boleyn Ground following West Ham United FC’s relocation the London Olympic Stadium. Then you think it’s a good idea to move into our beloved Boleyn Ground once we have left?! Again we have considered this proposal carefully and whilst there is some opposition from the local community and businesses there is definite merit in this solution.
To be honest we haven’t given this any thought whatsoever as this really gets us fired up. Why on earth would we inflict your cretinous bunch of mongoloids on the East End locals? The local residents and shop owners might well be a bunch of wankers but even they don’t deserve hoards of North London gaylords prancing around their streets.
As you are aware West Ham United FC have already agreed to sell the stadium to Galliard, and unfortunately having checked the details of the legal agreement it will prove impossible to unpick the arrangements to delay the demolition of the stadium beyond the end of the 2015-2016 season.
We made sure in the legal agreement with whoever it was we sold the stadium to that no-one (and especially Spurs) will play football on the pitch after we have left.
You are of course welcome to discuss the issue directly with Galliard to gauge the possibility of a deal with them.
As they are housing developers the contract is probably a shonky affair which you could drive a bus through so if you fancy having a bash at them give it a go. We understand the Chief Exec and Chairman are both Gooners so good luck there, you will probably get a bigger fuck off from them than you have from us.
• Whilst West Ham United would like to support Tottenham Hotspur FC in their efforts to secure Wembley Stadium for a number of ‘home’ fixtures during the 2017-2018 season we again find this a difficult proposal to support. At this point we are really pissing ourselves, you actually think you should play in the national stadium.
It is our opinion that the national stadium is for England games and cup final / semi-final and play-off fixtures and not for regular Premier League fixtures. You actually think that over paid bunch of knobheads managed by who the fuck knows as you will no doubt be a few more managers down the track by 2017 have any kind of right to grace the hallowed turf of Wembley for your shitty Premier league games against Manure, Chavski and Arse Anal. By then you will probably be playing in the Championship anyway, having invited Bagpuss back for a second stint in charge.
• West Ham United FC are more than happy to support your proposal to relocate to the
MK Dons stadium in Milton Keynes, and whilst distance and capacity will be an issue we don’t believe that you should view this as an option of last resort.
MK Dons sounds like a bit of a starter, it is nearly far enough away from us, and their poxy little stadium will suit you down to the ground. We would go as far as to say it is a perfect fit.
The opportunity is perfect for Tottenham Hotspur FC and will be a real bonus for the residents of Milton Keynes, and the extensive fan base which you currently enjoy there. No doubt you will try to assimilate the population into spurs fans. You probably think it is an untapped market, we agree, stay there, for good.
We hope that you find the above content helpful albeit not entirely what you were looking for. We wish you luck with your on-going stadium project and hope that you are able to unlock the difficult land arrangements without further delay.
Don’t write back to ask such ridiculous questions again, my heart can’t really take the laughter that goes with comedy of this nature. We hope the Boys at Archway Sheet Metal continue to receive our cheques and keep the fight up, as you know we always strive to support local business.
We look forward to welcoming you to the London Olympic stadium in 2016. We really can’t wait to welcome you to our new stadium in 2016 and show you what you could have had, gloat a little and hear more of your restless natives.
Kind Regards With Disdain
David Sullivan and David Gold
All credit to this piece goes to WHO member Mongymax who produced the entire thing.
http://www.westhamonline.net/profile.php?211258
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Replies - Newest Posts First ( Show In Chronological Order)
bruuuno
11:14 Thu Oct 2
Re: Leaked: West Ham respond to Tottenham
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Cringeworthy
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young woody
4:44 Thu Oct 2
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VINNY!
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Vinny
4:34 Thu Oct 2
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Any Old Iron
Try harder at what?
Perhaps you should try harder at reading it, then you would know I didn't write it. Moron.
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BulphanIron
3:04 Thu Oct 2
Re: Leaked: West Ham respond to Tottenham
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EC13?
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Any Old Iron
1:28 Thu Oct 2
Re: Leaked: West Ham respond to Tottenham
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Vinny. 4/10. Must try harder. And remember, less is more.
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Gavros
12:46 Thu Oct 2
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my thread about the stadiums new roof being lifted today is locked and this turd stays open?
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Sydney_Iron
12:43 Thu Oct 2
Re: Leaked: West Ham respond to Tottenham
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Has antly been on to correct the spelling and punctuation yet?
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i-Ron
12:31 Thu Oct 2
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Sorry Woody.
I should have found it funny, considering I geniunely enjoy tapping somebody on the side of the shoulder and think it's hilarious when they turn round.
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joey5000
12:30 Thu Oct 2
Re: Leaked: West Ham respond to Tottenham
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This is fucking shit. Fuck off to KUMB, mongymax.
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Sven Roeder
12:26 Thu Oct 2
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Amusing if old idea, poorly executed and too long.
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young woody
12:24 Thu Oct 2
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flyingV 12:12 Thu Oct 2
Might be about.
Ronny - Chill out
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flyingV
12:23 Thu Oct 2
Re: Leaked: West Ham respond to Tottenham
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i-Ron 12:18 Thu Oct 2
Re: Leaked: West Ham respond to Tottenham
Whoever wrote this can get back to their day job of writing the scripts for "Miranda"
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i-Ron
12:18 Thu Oct 2
Re: Leaked: West Ham respond to Tottenham
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Soccer AM watching, SunSport reading, WKD / Yorkie Bar advertisment. Russell Howard type humour that isn't funny to anyone with an IQ of an office administrator / data entry level.
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i-Ron
12:16 Thu Oct 2
Re: Leaked: West Ham respond to Tottenham
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Soccer AM watching, SunSport reading, WKD drinking, 2 humour
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Northern Sold
12:14 Thu Oct 2
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What a pile of unfunny cunt... Chelski?? Manure?? Do one...
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flyingV
12:12 Thu Oct 2
Re: Leaked: West Ham respond to Tottenham
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Yes mate, you about Sunday?
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young woody
12:05 Thu Oct 2
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V!
Been looking for you - You back now.
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flyingV
12:03 Thu Oct 2
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Please take this down, its fucking cringeworthy.
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One Flew
11:31 Thu Oct 2
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Not a bad piece of work, appeals to the child within
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I.want.that.one
9:59 Thu Oct 2
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How is calling them childish names like north London gaylords topical or amusing?
This is not funny. It actually makes me embarrassed.
I'd hazard a guess that anyone who does think it is, also watches Miranda and Mrs Brown's boys.
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Noah
9:55 Thu Oct 2
Re: Leaked: West Ham respond to Tottenham
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Poor. And a bit cringey tbh.
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